Our family does not have broadcast television. We do have Netflix and so we watch our movies here and there. The other night we watched some of the show about the Dugger family.
It was so sweet. It made me cry.
Nothing specifically made me cry, not any activity they did or words they said. My heart simply ached for the blessing of a family to nurture and teach and to love.
All my life I have dreamt of being a wife and mother. It is a dream that I cannot just "work hard" and complete as with a lot of careers. It has been my lifelong test. As I walk with my Savior, I have to trust that His timing is best and that what He has in store for me is far better than the "chances" I see pass by me. Not easy for me. This is my struggle. It is one that I feel others laugh off easily and don't really want to hear me talk about. So much of it I simply hide inside and speak only to the Lord about.
This being the start of Thanksgiving week, I've tried to focus on the things I'm thankful for and to be grateful for them. Last night as the tears rolled onto my pillow and my baby sister held me tight in her sweet, comforting way I was oh, so thankful. Most twenty something women who are moving along in their lives and waiting for "the one" have to do it on their own. Against the social norms, I am living with my parents and enjoying my baby siblings. I lived "on my own" for two years. Coming home to an empty apartment when my struggle was strong was awful.
So, I am thankful for my family. If God's plan is for me to remain single all my days I will have been blessed by having my family around me.