Thursday, March 24, 2011

I'm A Piece Of Work!

I am feeling so overwhelmed this week. I am also a roller coaster. I go through moments of peaceful calm and shortly after I'm near physical shaking with frustration. It is very hard to explain. It hurts me to see my sin so blatant. I have these times of selfish anger and I DON'T care if my attitude is wrong! How I know it hurts the Lord:S I find myself digging. Have I allowed myself to settle in, to stop listening to the urging the Holy Spirit gives?

I don't expect anyone to understand. I just keep taking it to the Lord. I lay it down at His feet...but 5 minutes later I find myself curling my fingers back around it to hold and to keep. Ugh. Mental battles are so hard, so isolating. I haven't been sleeping well either, which adds to the quickness of the confusion.

I sit and type this, why? To get it off my chest. To admit it to myself.

A friend posted this on facebook today. I really like it.

When I am free from selfishness, I am free from irritation.
When I am free from jealousy, I am free to rejoice in the good of another.
When I am free from judgment, I am free to pray from a pure heart.
When I am free from expectation, I am free to enjoy whatever comes.
When I am freed from controlling others, I am free to see the miraculous.
When I am truly free, I will see the Kingdom of God in my life.

From the word of God:

"Let the peace that Christ gives control your thinking, because you were all called together in one body to have peace. Always be thankful." Colossians 3:15

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. When you cross rivers, you will not drown. When you walk through fire, you will not be burned, nor will the flames hurt you." Isaiah 43:2

"Be humble under God's powerful hand so he will lift you up when the right time comes. Give all your worries to him, because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

End of rant, lecture, confusingness:)



  1. Anonymous8:13 PM

    Thank you for sharing this with us. I too have felt like I'm on an emotional roller coaster, b/c of what we discussed at our afternoon date. One hour I am totally content to move on with my life and the next minute I want to fight, back and forth it goes. I am as much tired from that as I am from anything else. It IS so isolating. That's what I have felt for the last 2 weeks. Isolated and defeated. I finally shared with 2 co-workers and am starting to feel better and feel more courage to approach my boss/board. Thanks again for have a way of expression that I wish I had. I LOVE YOU!! and am praying for you :)

    ~Cindie F.

  2. I appreciate your open honesty Alissa, it is so very refreshing. Thank you!

  3. Good words, honey! And those clouds are absolutely amazing. I want that picture, blowed up.

  4. And so, Alissa, you have described much of what has been going on in my head this past week. I just feel like hating everything and...I don't care!

    (Maybe it's the weather.)

  5. Anonymous9:09 AM

    This is exactly what I have been reading in When I Don't Desire God. Piper reminds me that the Truth--the Word--will set me FREE from joy-killing sin and that there is Truth to counter every sinful desire I have. Plus, I think when we talk about it and feel somewhat less isolated, some of the power is sucked out of our sinful desires, don't you?

  6. Alissa,

    I very much understand this right now. Thank you for sharing.

    I love you very much.

    (and the picture is absolutely breathtaking, btw!)

    xoxoxo, tori