Tuesday, October 18, 2016
I think I've watched too many romances lately. It causes me to dwell on my singleness in a mournful way. I sometimes just let it steal my joy and begin to think that a romantic relationship is the only thing I need that I don't have. It is that easy for the Satan/the world to alter my thoughts. Arg!
Human love will not fix all the cracks and broken parts of me. I look around at the REAL romantic relationships around me and I can quickly see how hard they are! A love relationship, a boyfriend, a husband, none of these will fulfill me and it is NOT my life goal to get one. I have to remind myself once again.
In the Bible study I'm in we are talking about the early church and how they helped one another. We were to look for ways to help others and also ask for help in a recent week. I struggle so much with asking for help. This, here is what I have been struggling with and how can anyone help. I hate putting myself on others, they have enough to worry about, complain about and fix. My problems seem so small and repetitive. I'd love to have this struggle over, because it seems like it is such a repeat in my life. I feel safe sharing it here, though. Here, where I don't really know who reads it or cares. It is off my chest, shared without the need to feel guilty for weighing someone else down.
I hate how society, movies, music, even the way we talk about love relationships is portrayed wrong.
Yes, God created us to be in relationships, to love each other and care for one another. But, first we were created to have a right relationship with him. He is the answer to the ache inside! I've been letting the lie slowly back in, the lie that man's way is better than God's way. It has brought me NO joy, only worry and discontent. He loves me and desires such a relationship that I've never imagined or seen in a silly chick flick.
I still want to be loved by a man, to be cherished, desired and called beautiful. And I will continue to pray that God might send such a man into my life. One who will reach out and choose me. I believe in his love for me and his care for all that is in my life. And as the men in the fiery furnace in Daniel 3 said, even if he answers differently than I like...I will still stand with him, I will still believe. My purpose in life is more than just sitting here waiting for a man to love me. I want to know my God, my Jesus, the Savior who gives me life. I want my life to reflect him for others. I want others to experience the joy and freedom of knowing Christ and living in his love.
I miss out on that when I wallow in my own self pity and limit my desires to those of the world. So most of this is spoken to myself, that I must picture the cross and see my sins, each and every thing that is contrary to God in me, and see how he suffered by taking it upon himself. He suffered COMPLETE separation from the Father...for me. He loves me and He is more than enough. He loves me, he loves me, he loves me.